Turnbuckle Zine

Notice how when he’s interrupting Big Johnny’s apologies he says that Laurinaitis is just like a “spoiled little girl” who doesn’t get what SHE wants. Listen to the emphasis on SHE. He could’ve just as easily called him a spoiled little boy, there, and okay, maybe he’s calling him a girl because “homo” is the worst WWE insult or whatever, but it sounds to me like the guy’s only f**king go-to for people he hates is women.

I can’t be the only one picking up on this.

When he was doing those shoot interviews six years ago about how he didn’t like strip clubs my head took it as “he’s for the empowerment of women!”, but as I get older and keep hearing it that turns into “he doesn’t like going into strip clubs because women are there”.

Best: CM Punk, Still Wrestling’s Best Heel

The ending to Raw was great. Absolutely fantastic for a few reasons, namely:

1. This is CM Punk with emphasis. I hate what he’s saying, especially when he immediately goes back to the “you don’t have balls!” sh*t, but even when he’s making me mad with his content he can make me INTERESTED with his delivery. THIS is CM Punk. CM Punk is not John Cena. He’s not great at those smarmy WHOOPSIE DID I MAEKS A PIPE BOMB >;) things, he’s a pissed off asshole who thinks he’s better than you and isn’t afraid to tell you. That’s what we liked about him in July. That’s what we liked about him at Comic-Con, and I guess that’s what we forgot we liked about him between X and Y. Right or wrong he should be PISSED THE F**K OFF and we should be able to feel it through our television screens.

2. John Laurinaitis is the good guy. This is confirmation. Punk is a little douchebag to him constantly for no reason and is forcing his hand. Punk pulling the “shut your mouth” rank on Laurinaitis after Laurinaitis pulled it on Eve is a great (and possibly incidental) callback and all that obviously undeserved stuff about Laurinaitis being pathetic and wanting to be like Punk made me want SO HARD for him to drop Punk in the middle with an Ace Crusher. I was rooting for him to flip out and start destroying people, and the fact that he didn’t and took a misdirected, cowardly way out is exceptional. He is shades of gray in a way that can work in wrestling — he’s not swerving constantly, he’s a guy with good intentions who happens to be sort of an asshole with an inferiority complex. CM Punk is a beloved guy with TERRIBLE intentions and a superiority complex. It’s perfect, and miles deeper than “redneck hates his overbearing boss”.

3. Best: Shut The F**k Up, Mick Foley

Laurinaitis, again, was completely right — Mick Foley wasn’t a part of the match. He wasn’t one of the people on the team, and you can’t just run out and throw in and start punching people. This isn’t Marvel Vs. Capcom, this is a job. There are rules. And while Punk has a loose but actual beef (Laurinaitis has backstabbed Vince and Triple H to get this position and has seemingly had it out for him since day one, and was the guy who was gonna run down and ring the bell to cost him the WWE title at Money in the Bank), Foley doesn’t. He has no right to call John Laurinaitis names and threaten him. For what? For not letting him waltz back in from TNA and get a spot in the Royal Rumble?

If Big Johnny can’t hit punk with an Ace Crusher to shut him up, I’m happy to see him go NUH UH and blast Foley in the face with a mic. Now, guess what? Foley has an actual beef. Punk has legitimate proof that this guy is out to ruin him and will get physical about it, and Laurinaitis manages to move forward as a character without compromising what makes him great. A great, constructive job all around. And fun to watch, too.

I swear to God if Triple H returns at the Rumble to keep Laurinaitis from screwing Punk and shows back up on Raw to ruin it and pedigrees the Funkasaurus onto a pile of Dolphs Ziggler or whatever I am never forgiving you.